Stories that Changed My Life: Significant Others

I was teaching a class of older teenagers at an Oklahoma youth camp named Falls Creek. In a class of about fifty, one person captured my attention without saying a word and I could not get her off my mind. She sat in the middle of the back row with ‘’deer in the headlights” eyes full of fear and pain. I never got a chance to speak to her after class, but I kept seeing her eyes in my mind. What kinds of fears were haunting her life? What threats did she face?

To my utter joy she stayed after class the last morning and asked if she could speak with me. Could she? I think I would have followed her home. I had to know about her eyes.

I found out she was not one of the teens, she was a sponsor. I guess I only saw her eyes. Then she told me her story.

She had not been a Christian long after living the whole gamut of the other side. No one knew very much about her past and keeping her former lifestyle a secret was making her feel even worse. She was convinced that God was going to punish her for the way she had lived. Constantly fearing the wrath of God not just falling on her but, on her family, friends, and the young people she was chaperoning to camp. Everything that happened she interpreted as punishment. She could not get the girls to settle down and go to sleep the night before and of course that was God punishing or at least withholding blessing because of her sin.

We talked for quite a long time. Actually, she talked, and I listened. It was like watching someone regurgitate their whole insides. Once she started, she seemed unable to stop. Maybe she had found a long sought after place to dump and did not want to miss a single thing that needed dumping. I did not press her for details and said very little the whole time.

When she finally seemed to have told her whole story I said, “You have told me a lot of things today and I don’t think you have held anything back, is that so?” She said it was true there was nothing she was hiding or holding back I had heard her whole terrible story. I then ask her if she thought or felt that I judged her for anything she had told me, or did she think or feel that I thought less of her because of what she had done.” She looked almost stunned and finally said, “No, I don’t know why, but I do not think you think less of me or judge me.” I said, “so you have told me a bunch of things you think are wrong and most people would think so as well and yet you really feel at peace with telling me and you do not feel any judgment or change in my opinion.” Again, she said yes. Then I said, “Wouldn’t it be great if God was as nice a guy as I am?” It shocked her. I could almost see the lights going on in her brain. She did not know what to say nor how to respond and seemed to need to go off by herself to think, so we said our goodbyes.

After the service ended that night, I walked out of the huge tabernacle among a mass of people and somehow, she was standing there waiting for me. I did not recognize her; her eyes had cleared up and her face was lit by a glorious smile.

I don’t know what our session did for her nor how long it helped. I know that day still has impact and meaning in my life. It led to a remarkable discovery.

I was young then and did not know that very often folks find the love of God or forgiveness from God after they have been loved or forgiven by a significant other.

I was transformed by a significant other. As a junior in college desperately searching for self-worth my future wife said, “I love you,” and that was the first time anyone had ever said those words to me, somehow knowing she loved me help me decide maybe God could also love me.

That started my discovery of self-worth. The combination of my being touched and getting to see those eyes no longer full of fear led me to become almost obsessed with trying to be a significant other to as many people as possible.

I have maintained a rather full load of counseling for over sixty-five years. I really don’t do counseling; I think I do “companioning.” I just try to walk along beside folks and try to understand and accept them no matter who they are nor what they have done. I have walked with folks of many races, religions, and lifestyles. I not only love doing it, but it also feeds my soul and mind. Most of what I know I know because listening to the stories filled me with knowledge and ideas. I have written some books and made speeches all over the U.S, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand and all the books and almost all the speeches were born from the stories and experiences of companioning someone in need of a significant other. This became the purpose of my living.

We might not be able to speak with eloquence and meaning or sing with heart-touching beauty. But if we have ears and a loving heart we can touch and impact the lives of others. It will not be easy, and the success rate will not be high, but once in a while we get to see fear leave eyes and a person discover a loving God and believe me, I don’t know anything better than that.